I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Randomize
