You're a womanizer and a bitch.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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