he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Randomize
