he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Randomize
