Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
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