im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
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