I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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