Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
did i just pee glitter
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
