i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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