Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
