So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
