so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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