It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
