Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
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