JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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