life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
