if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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