it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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