Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
