Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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