So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
