Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
