I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize