is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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