Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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