Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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