i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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