I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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