i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
