I could make wine with my vomit
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
