That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
