You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
soo... how was my night?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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