new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize