I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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