Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
