it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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