Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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