3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
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