i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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