I wish I could punch you in the face.
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
