It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
