mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
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