Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
