He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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