Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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