EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
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