Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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