Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
