I just threw up on my dentist
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
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