one might say we're banned from that church
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
