It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Less talking, more tequila
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize