remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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