She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
