the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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