I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
love makes seman taste better
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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