I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Randomize
