I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
