dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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