I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
