Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
