Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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