I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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