someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Randomize
