K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
