I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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