6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
