you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
