so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
