you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
