And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
