my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
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