operation harelip BJ is a go
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
