i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
