I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Randomize
