thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
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