I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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