so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
can u get pink eye on your cock?
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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