I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
