I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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