when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
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