happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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