she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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