It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
