Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize