Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
smell my finger.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I just found a bag of teeth...
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
