i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
