I just pynch a tree in the face
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
