Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
