Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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