He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize