Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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