I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
All the doctor said was why
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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