Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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