I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
