I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I need water and some morals
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
