Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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