tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I'm like, not good at living.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Randomize
