Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Randomize