Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
