Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
