I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
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