remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
