Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
