I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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