my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize