I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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